Denise got a callback. We were not surprised. The audition really was delightful as it was not auditioney: we were seen right away, everyone we met with was cool, relaxed, intelligent and personable. They set us up for success, and Denise totally sold it. They even told us at the audition that they were going to call us back.
We have this job in the bag, thought we. We were plotting ways we would make these quickie weddings pop while being intimate and classy on a small budget, and Mandy resolved postponing her trip to see family in Ann Arbor since she would be needed in Texas very soon.
Then the callback happened.
Exactly one week later, we headed back to the valley, wedding favors on silver trays and all. Denise spent 2 1/2 hours on the application and had unearthed her portfolio.
Denise: All famous people in my old portfolio are dead...not sure dead stars still a selling point.
Our audition time was 3:20pm and we got there right on time after much HelLA traffic and a directional brain fart (how many ladies with a GPS and maps on iphones does it take to find the building we were just at? Maybe it was God trying to warn us).
Denise: Some days, I don't know my own name...
We were greeted by a familiar face, who seemed a bit strained which we assumed was normal when the Executive Producers are in the house. She said "come on back" and we were like, wow! They were waiting for us! All we need is a red carpet. We went down the hall and into a small, windowless room full of...our competition. Yep, this was not the audition, this was the holding tank.
We had the opportunity to small talk with an aging talent manager and fashion show planner (qualified how?) and a young nymph in a thong and a purple silk mini-dress (negligee) who asked questions that came out as accusations ("Where do you live!", "What part of Santa Monica!", "Don't you love Don Antonio's!").
Denise: I asked Mandy, "does that old broad look older than me?" That's all I cared about...and totally hated Cassandra in her thong. Should wedding planners
dress as hookers? Need to think about that....
We also got to enjoy the casting dude, dressed in shorts and high tops with a Bluetooth in his ear, talking at us while playing video games on his Dell laptop. He completely ignored us.
Denise: He liked us when we brought cupcakes last week. Now he's talking about his penis. I told Mandy " we can't write about, his penis...we have to call it his Mr. Johnson." Mandy said we were giving no publicity to his penis. Oops.
Then there was the premise shift. Complete 180. Did we miss something? Did we not read the fine print? This sweet little "let's give some deserving couples a lovely wedding" show instantly became a show (and an audition) we did not understand.
We haven't even mentioned the unintelligible intern who compulsively ate every pastry in the holding tank (wedding planner wannabes bring lots of sugar with them,apparently). She couldn't make it through a sentence without a random tangent, for example, "Okay , I'm going to take your picture, stand there, God I want a hot dog, I don't know where that came from." She took multiple shots of us against a wall, next to an overflowing trashcan with an hours old chicken Caesar salad on top. Yummy.
Denise: Mandy was more offended by the full trash can than I was. I am used to full garbage cans as I have catered for 20 years. HATED the intern. She was...a moron.
A brief hour and a half after we arrived, we were taken in with our marching orders (ENERGY! Pretend like you have had two cocktails (we wish)! We told 'em we've saved the best for last!).
No pressure.
Denise was nothing short of brilliant. She made 'em laugh, she was great with her memorized copy and even made the only male executive producer squirm a bit (go girl). If they want experience, heart and brassy humor mixed with a tiny bit of mania, we've got the job.
Denise: It's never good to make the EP squirm...Mania? Me? Wish EP was gay....queens love me.
We're not holding our breath.
1 comments:
Oh man, I wish I were a fly on the wall...Brilliant!
Post a Comment